18d • General discussion
For years I was home but I wasn’t really there
Nobody pulls you aside at the start of this career and tells you what it can quietly cost you at home.
They tell you about the danger. The shift work. The things you’ll see.
What they don’t tell you is that the real toll often shows up in the quiet places. At the kitchen table. On the couch on a day off. In the spaces where you’re supposed to be with the people you love most.
You’re there. But you’re not really there.
And here’s the part that’s hard to say out loud…most of the time, you don’t even know it’s happening.
The people at home know.
They’ve been watching it happen for a while. They’ve adjusted. They’ve stopped expecting you to fully show up the way you used to. They’ve made peace with a version of you that’s a little more distant, a little more checked out, a little harder to reach.
A lot of them never bring it up. They love you. They know what you carry. They don’t want to add to it.
But the distance is real.
This doesn’t happen to everyone in this work. I want to be honest about that.
It happens often enough that ignoring it is a risk you don’t need to take.
The good news , and I mean this , is that it doesn’t have to keep going that direction.
You can come back. You can be present again. You can have the job and the family and actually be in both.
That’s the work. And it’s worth it.
If this resonates, share it with someone who needs to read it.
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For years I was home but I wasn’t really there
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