My Anti-Spiritual Awakening Story · New Earth Community

My Anti-Spiritual Awakening Story

I was born hyper-spiritually sensitive to atheist parents. From as early as I can remember, I was obsessed with fairies, witches, and angels and was tormented by shadow people (Jinn) in my house. I had memories of past lives and confusion about shifting timelines. And the cherry on top? A crushing empath gift. Certifiably crazy!!

School was a nightmare. The energy of the place was overwhelming and caused me so much emotional pain, that was not my own. But I was also gifted with mentors throughout my life. My dad’s best friend became a Buddhist monk. My primary school Italian teacher taught us meditation. And during my hairdressing apprenticeship, my workmate taught me everything I needed to know about ancient aliens and lost civilizations. I was obsessed with learning about spirituality, desperate to make sense of my life.

Then I met a boy at a party. I ended up trapped in a relationship with him that I never actually wanted. He threatened to end his life if I left, so I stayed. I dedicated the next five years of my life to rehabilitating him. He treated me like trash, isolated me from all of my friends, and I just kept pouring unconditional love into him. I sacrificed five years of my life to save his.

And it worked (kind of). The stability I gave him helped him reconnect with his family and build real friendships. Until, one day, he admitted to cheating on me. I used that as my excuse to finally escape.

But to get out, I had to sever my empath abilities. I’ll never forget that moment. We were on the phone. Our relationship was already in pieces and he was begging me to forgive him. He expected me to because I had so many times before and he was so good at the guilt trip. But something inside me snapped. I felt it. A clean break in my energy field. And then I felt absolutely nothing.

Just numbness.

For almost a decade.

I really believe that, in that moment, I severed my connection to the higher realms to protect myself. And not long after, I had what I now call my anti-spiritual awakening. I had an epiphany: No matter how much I search, I will never, ever know anything for certain about the meaning of life… so what is the point?

And just like that, I dropped it all.

I still found myself surrounded by lightworkers and miracles, but I wasn’t consciously aware of it until much later. I became a real selfish little bitch. Disassociating every time I should have felt compassion. I completely immersed myself in the physical world. I learned a lot during that time, psychology, boundaries, identity, real-world skills, how to function.

I still mourn the version of me that existed before all of this. The one who loved so innocently and unconditionally. But that kind of love wasn’t healthy. It was self-abandonment disguised as spirituality.

And then came divine intervention, in the form of new neighbors. It was like a lightning bolt of remembrance. They reminded me of how much I loved this path, how much it had once lit me up. I’d had lost a huge part of myself. And now, it was all rushing back in, undeniable and alive. Spirituality, energy, the unseen, it had always been my world. I’d just buried it for survival. And now I was safe to bring it back. They taught me how to channel, helped me see my spiritual gifts, and inspired me to study astrology properly, beyond the New Age fluff I’d always known.

Now, looking back, I understand what was happening to me as a child. All of it. The pieces fit. Everything was perfectly designed to bring me here.

And here we are.

Stronger than ever.

More spiritually expanded than I ever thought possible.

Utterly blessed.

And ready to teach everything I know. ✨

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