8d • My Daily Journal
Day 2
Topic, the process of life, the roads we walk down, inspired by The Beatles (Paul McCartney) The Long and Winding Road. (I took a weed gummy and I’m lying in the basement bed with my 1 year old asleep on my chest)
Free write, 641am
the travels we have to get to the point we are here, the winding boulevards and the slick streets and the tired evenings and the scary people. We’ve survived many places to be here. To lead long lives in safe pastures. People die every day and you live in the good part of a country. You live with luck and love at every doorstep you run too. A smile can cheer up anyone, can make someone’s day. That’s the energy you give to the people you see. That’s the power of the road you’ve been down. We aren’t habits. We aren’t patterns. We aren’t statistics. We are the best our heart has. The moment.
And I’ve been real tired for a long time. When we get complacently tired we live in a veil. We live blocked in. We can’t see colour or hear laughter. We work so hard in this part and it feels like we just go backward. Your tired. Sometimes sleep doesn’t come because the anxiousness. Sometimes it doesn’t come because something else around you takes it away. I hope I can know to calm my heart to face it. Many times I’ve tried.
You couldn’t sleep still. And I’d see you crying at a kitchen table head like hammers salt in your mouth all dressed up and ready to go. Like a good girl getting the bus to school but you just want to be home and rest your head a while. The loves you wanted to the love out of your life. You used to love to work and play. Now you run from your job and it’s all bad and the first person you see you tell at and I’m often the first person. You left me standing in place.
Lead to your door. Lead me to where you are. The west winds are blowing and the dust is changing. The barn doors swing open and the El Niño is showing. Your heart was showing and I fell back into you. I fell away from a place I hurt you, and into a love that we were. Gets me back to the place you’ve been. Back to the sins you’d run straight in to that place every day. And now it all
Changed and the world stopped advancing on to you and started granting you. How do I conceive the lies in that place. I was selfish and you were nice. I was heartless and you were there.
But we keep running down that highway. Lead me to the door. Lead me to whatever comes in. I’ve felt love before I can fall again. I can find it in the coldest of season. I can find it in every reason. I can change what I’m believing. Words your mother said in the garden. On the street with stick in hand. In the aisle when you’d hold
My hand. There’s many times I’ve tried. There’s many times I’ve lied. There’s something I can do to find hearts of hearts ready to start. A long run it may be, I’m gonna run free. I’m gonna find the battle I’ve been trying to fight. And fly above in the middle of night.
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Day 2
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