🧳 Things They Don’t Tell You in Glamping School: Episode 4

“Guest Idiosyncrasies: The Good, The Mad, and The Marshmallow-Obsessed”

You can have the best welcome pack, the clearest signage, and the fluffiest robes this side of Soho Farmhouse—and still be blindsided by a guest who microwaves a croissant or asks if the compost loo has Bluetooth.

Welcome to the wonderful world of guest idiosyncrasies. Here’s how to survive (and maybe even enjoy) them:

🧼 1. The Clean Freak Who Brings Their Own Marigolds

They’ll wipe down your already-immaculate surfaces, tut at a single cobweb, and ask if the hot tub was “triple-filtered with Himalayan salt.”

Smile. Nod. And maybe offer them a job.

🔥 2. The Pyromaniac Who Thinks Firepits Are Bonfires

They’ll build a flame visible from space, toast 47 marshmallows, and ask if they can burn leftover sausages “for fun.”

Solution: clear fire rules, a sand bucket, and a gentle reminder that you’re not hosting Burning Man.

📸 3. The Influencer Who Needs 17 Angles of the Shepherd’s Hut

They’ll rearrange your furniture, hang fairy lights on the alpacas, and ask if the outdoor shower “looks rustic enough.”

Let them be. Just make sure they tag you.

🧘 4. The Wellness Warrior Who Brought Their Own Gong

They’ll do breathwork at dawn, ask if your site is aligned with the solstice, and complain that the compost loo “interrupts their chakra flow.”

Offer herbal tea. Avoid eye contact during the naked yoga.

🧃 5. The One Who Thought It Was a Spa

They’ll arrive with a suitcase of serums, ask where the treatment room is, and look horrified when you say “eco toilet.”

Redirect gently: “We’re more wild luxury than wellness retreat. But the birdsong’s free.”

🧠 6. The Neurodivergent Guest Who Needs Clarity, Not Chaos

They’ll ask detailed questions, need clear instructions, and might struggle with sensory overload.

Your job? Respect, adapt, and design with dignity.

Universal design isn’t optional—it’s overdue.

🧺 7. The One Who Brings Their Entire Kitchen

Slow cooker, air fryer, NutriBullet, and a suspicious amount of Tupperware.

They’re not being awkward—they just want control.

Make sure your power supply can handle it. And maybe offer a recipe card.

Guests are gloriously weird.

And if you embrace their quirks with humour, clarity, and compassion—you’ll earn rave reviews, repeat bookings, and fewer passive-aggressive emails.

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