I read something recently that stuck with me.
A man walks into a coffee shop.
The barista asks for his order.He says, “I don’t want black coffee.”
She tries to help. “Okay, would you like a cappuccino? A latte? A mocha?”
He repeats, “No. I just don’t want black coffee.”
She steps away to make other drinks.
When she comes back, she’s trying to remember his order. And the only thing she remembers is… black coffee.
So that’s what she hands him.
It’s such a simple story, but it says a lot.
When we focus on what we don’t want, even with the best intentions, that’s what takes up space.
That’s what gets remembered. That’s what gets repeated.
And honestly, we do this all the time with our self-talk.
“I don’t want to mess this up.”
“I don’t want to feel overwhelmed.”
“I don’t want to fail again.”
“I don’t want to be behind.”
Our minds hear the same thing the barista heard.
Black coffee. Black coffee. Black coffee.
The brain doesn’t respond well to vague avoidance.
It responds to direction.
If we don’t clearly name what we do want, we shouldn’t be surprised when we keep getting more of what we’re trying to avoid.
This isn’t about pretending everything is positive.
It’s about being intentional with where you place your attention.
Instead of “I don’t want to be stressed,” what do you want instead?I
nstead of “I don’t want to feel stuck,” what are you moving toward?
Instead of “I don’t want to screw this up,” how do you want to show up?
Clarity in self-talk matters more than we think.
Because what you repeat is what gets reinforced.
And what gets reinforced tends to show up.
💬 What’s one thing you’ve been telling yourself you don’t want, and how could you rephrase it into what you do want instead?
Sometimes the shift is that simple.