Last Thursday, I did a full-day shroom journey

I went in with the intention of manifesting things in my life, but instead, I came out a new person—a new identity. Or maybe not new. Maybe this me was always there, buried under the layers of garbage I collected.

In that space, those layers fell away.

It was a magnificent, mind-blowing journey. I wanted to stay forever. I didnt want to come back. I felt at home in a way I never experienced here.

Coming back was a big adjustment. It took me a couple of hours just to talk and stand again. I feel regular “post-op.” I’ve had surgery twice, and the recovery feels eerily similar. I slept most of the day and night for the first 2 days and had very little energy, and every time I woke up, it was like I was waking into a more aligned version of myself—more at home in my body and soul.

I’ve been journaling a lot. The last batch of prompts Ky gave us became my guide—helping me explore who I am now in this new reality.

I feel like this was my grand finale from the Finesse Your Success course—a solidifying of everything this course has been building toward.

Today, I’m starting to feel a little better, but I can tell this integration will take time.

I’d love to share parts of my journaling here, even though a part of me is secretly hoping no one will actually see this post ;)

Here goes-

I no longer perform, no longer prove.

I no longer say yes out of duty or guilt.

I don’t stay small to keep the peace.

I no longer tolerate chaos in any form.

I now move with clarity and calm.

I choose where I give my energy.

And I’m worthy of it all.

There’s laughter. Play. Stillness. Beauty.

I nourish myself with whatever it is that makes me feel alive.

I’m alive. Fully. Boldly. Gently.

I know who I am. I belong to myself. I’m the CEO of me.

My life is warm, powerful and soft.

I’m surrounded by people who honor and love my power and my words.

I’m no longer entangled in confusion or conflict that isn’t mine to fix.

I no longer abandon myself to keep others comfortable.

I reclaimed my time, my energy, and my identity.

And for the first time… it’s all mine.

I am no longer available for self-abandonment in any form.

I no longer shrink to be accepted.

I no longer tolerate disrespect.

I no longer give my energy to places that do not honor me in return.

I am no longer available for relationships where I have to overgive to earn love.

I am no longer available for relationships where I have to sacrifice my peace to be "good."

I’m no longer available for chaos disguised as loyalty.

I’m no longer available for urgency that pulls me off-center.

I am done being the emotional shock absorber for other people’s dysfunction.

I am not a dumping ground. I am not a convenience. I am not a savior.

I am no longer available for survival mode.

I am now here to thrive.

If it costs my peace, my clarity, or my self-respect—it’s not welcome in my life.

I listen to the truth in my body and ask: Is this aligned with the future I’m creating?

If the answer is no, I walk away.

I don’t explain. I don’t justify. I simply choose myself.

Over and over again. Gently. Fiercely. Unapologetically.

I lead my life from alignment, not fear, not performance.

I trust my timing, my voice, and my worth without needing external proof.

I’m whole—not perfect, not polished, but deeply whole.

I hold my power with softness and my softness with pride.

My vision moves mountains.

I am the woman I once needed. I am the woman my future demands.

And I no longer ask for permission.

I unlearned that I must earn rest.

I unlearned that love is something I barter for with self-sacrifice.

I unlearned that I am only safe when I am useful.

I unlearned that I need to stay small to stay loved.

I unlearned that speaking my truth is dangerous.

I unlearned that success comes through struggle, that softness is weakness.

I unlearned that I need to prove my worth through constant doing.

I unlearned everything that taught me to abandon me.

I now know that success doesn’t come through struggle, that rest is not laziness, that I no longer need to push, prove, hustle, or sacrifice to be worthy of abundance.

I now succeed with ease, clarity, and joy. My success comes from alignment.

It comes from listening to my body, from choosing what feels expansive, from trusting my timing.

Money flows with peace. Success comes when I stay in my truth and protect my energy.

My self-worth is aligning. I know it’s the root of everything else.

I’ve poured so much energy into building, surviving, performing, showing up.

But deep down, the quiet question: am I allowed to want what I want? Am I allowed to take up space without earning it? Is it safe to stop fixing and start receiving?

Every area of life rises or falls based on how deeply I believe I am worthy.

Worthy of ease. Worthy of being chosen.

Worthy of rest. Worthy of expansion. Worthy of being fully seen and fully safe.

So now, I stop outsourcing my worth.

I stop treating my softness as a liability.

I reclaim my value from all the places I gave it away.

And as I return to the truth of my worth, everything else realigns.

I lead my life, not from obligation, but from desire.

I check in with me before I check in with the world.

My to-do list doesn’t own me—I choose what I do.

I say yes with my whole body—or not at all.

I no longer stay just because someone expects me to.

I no longer explain my no, or apologize for my joy.

I create, serve, and show up from a place of overflow, not depletion.

I rest because I want to, not because I’ve earned it.

I move toward what lights me up, what calls me forward, what feels alive in my chest.

I build my days around alignment, not approval or obligation.

Desire becomes my compass—not guilt, not duty, not fear of being too much.

I let go of performing to be loved.

I surround myself with people who meet me in joy, growth, and truth, not obligation or expectation.

I pursue projects that stir my soul.

I speak boldly, lead clearly, and choose flow over force.

I move, nourish, and dress in ways that feel delicious.

I follow curiosity. I give myself beauty. I create space for wonder.

And I don’t justify any of it.

Leading from desire means I no longer ask, “What do they need from me?”

I start with: “What do I need from me?”

And from that place—I lead my life.

I now radiate—unapologetically—my voice, my brilliance, my softness, and my truth.

I no longer filter myself to be palatable.

I no longer dim my light to soothe other people’s discomfort.

I no longer shrink my magic to fit inside a version of me someone else understands.

I speak even when my voice shakes.

I shine even when others aren’t ready.

I am soft—even in a world that taught me to armor up.

And I now tell the truth—especially to myself.

I radiate like a woman who remembers who she is.

I radiate my voice—clear, grounded, powerful. Not just to be heard, but to echo truth.

I radiate my brilliance—the kind that opens doors just by walking through them.

I radiate my softness—as a strength, not a weakness. A softness that disarms, heals, and knows.

I radiate my vision—because the future I see deserves a leader. And I’m ready to lead her there.

I radiate my truth—whole, imperfect, sacred. Because I am done hiding from the very thing that makes me powerful.

I commit to building the following support structures as containers

1. Nervous system rituals- breathwork, meditation, a walk, or simply silence—

I give myself the inner calm that allows my truth to rise.

2. Aligned calendar. I design my days to reflect my values—not obligations.

My schedule has white space. Play space. Creation space.

3. Mentorship & reflection. I will not walk this path alone.

I will invest in guidance that mirrors my greatness back to me—coaches, therapists, spiritual teachers, or peer circles that keep me honest and expansive.

4. Boundaries that hold. I will protect my energy fiercely.

I will have systems, phrases, and exit strategies that allow me to say no with grace and finality.

This is my commitment to my energy flowing where I want.

5. Celebration practice. I will track my wins—tiny or huge—and honor them with joy.

I will not wait for perfection to feel proud. This is my commitment to becoming through love.

I let it be simple. I vow to create a life that feels like mine. Not borrowed. Not busy. Not built from shoulds. A life that feels like breath. Like clarity.

I create a business that serves others and doesn’t drain me. I structure it so it runs with flow and intention. It reflects my genius—clearly and confidently. It earns well because it’s aligned.

I’m visible—not performative, but real. Unhidden.

I create a rhythm that protects my peace, work hours that leave space for stillness.

I create a home that heals me. Clean, light, beautiful, nourishing. A place where I come home to myself. I will find relationships that honor me, built on new standards so that I am deeply supported—and deeply honest.

I no longer beg for crumbs of care.

But most of all, I create a version of me that I trust, a woman who leads from desire, who moves from vision and stays devoted to her own becoming.

I now know that I am the source—not the seeker.

That I’ve been looking for permission from a world that was never built to recognize me.

I now know I don’t need more credentials or more fixing.

I just need more trust. And more silence. More self-loyalty.

I now know that what I’m building is sacred—and I don’t have to bulldoze myself to get there.

I now know that I am allowed to take up space without guilt.

I now know the path will appear as I walk it. Not before. I stop outsourcing my knowing.

I let discomfort be my teacher, not a reason to shrink. I stop waiting to feel ready.

I’m already ready.

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