Confession · Blssed Influence

Confession

I was just standing there. Apart of me was God has already saved you I don’t need this anymore another part of me was like I need this I feel deprived whatever whatever. I remember my mom knocking on the door while I was doing whatever. I’ll be so honest confessing hurts I’ve got to stop sinning. While I was at school I was reading Ecclesiastes and I came upon 4:8 “For whom do I labor and deprive myself of goodness? This is also vanity and a painful distraction.” I was confused for a second because I always thought not sinning was just keeping yourself away from the pleasures our flesh indulge in. But this is wrong. We can also see in Colossians 2:21-23 “Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle.. which all concern things which perish with the using according to the commandments and doctrines of men?” There is a clear distinction between self deprivation and self denial in the Bible. Self denial written all over the gospels (Luke 9:##) is in the context of crucifying the flesh. It’s dying to your old worldly lifestyle and replacing and further fulfilling your life with the blood and life of Christ. Self deprivation is mimicry of denying yourself picking up your cross daily and following him.

Back to it though. When I came downstairs after giving in (upon my own choice) I went to eat dinner. Not gonna lie it was good. My mom and God always remind me they love me (and of course my previous betrayal) despite the sin I commit. I pictured Jesus like a child. I was walking away from him saying stuff like I can’t live anymore, it’s destroying my life I give up. And Jesus is like No stop you’ll end up separate from me or eternally with me, why do you choose to live in sin/burning hell? I was like because I can’t do anything I deal with this all the time I quit. And Jesus starts crying like how a child would “Then why did I die for you?!” It hurts. I think I’d break if I ever saw Jesus as a child crying. My mom must think she haven’t loved her son enough. It’s true I probably do have trauma but I’m healed in Jesus name. People are going through ways worst than I am. My mom does things for me all the time, most I don’t even notice. It’s not her fault. Seriously.

Thanks for listening. In Jesus name we pray Amen

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