24d (edited) • 1000 Fan Machine — Day Tasks
Day 16 Day 1 of MY own healing journey.
Don't judge me yall...but I remember once quietly wishing to myself that I could loose my sense of feel, so that I wouldn’t have to hurt anymore. Unconsciously I believe that I programmed myself to make it come true because I’ve had moments where I should feel something; sadness, remorse, sympathy, and I literally has NO feeling, except NUMBNESS (if that's even a feeling). I mentioned in the live that I now struggle with being in touch with my emotion, so now having NO feelings is working against me. Therefore, I couldn't find the rawness in my lyrics....now I understand why.
- Day 1 The Thing I NEVER Said
- DAILY INTENTION Telling the truth to myself: I still harbor lots of resentment.
- SOUNDTRACK: The song that tells the deepest truth about myself is called Murder Campaign. It was a revenge song written when I was still straddling the fence on how I wanted to come in that season AFTER already making my mark as a gospel artist.
- DAILY ACTION The one sentence I've never said out loud is: I’ve entertained some very destructive deeds in my head against certain people from about 8 years old to well into my adulthood, including recently" (the recent ones were more so just saying certain things to people that could cause destruction, so I guess that's an improvement versus before). I will rewrite the song, and in so doing, I will redirect my outcome.
- AFFIRMATION “The truth loses power over me the moment I tell it.”
- My NEW RESOLVE: I will replace my destructive thoughts in my head with the following scriptures. Roman 8:13 – "By the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body..." Colossians 3:5 – "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature..."
- I have never said this out loud to anybody on the planet in my life. As a Pastor feeling this way...it's kind of like "woa", to some people, I guess. I actually heard the Spirit of The Lord speak to me some years back. He said "If you don't write those hooks, you're going to wind up in jail". I never knew the relationship, since I don't do crimes anymore. The only crime I still felt prone to is the M word. God knew that my own healing would happen first through my music, because only through this process was I challenged to dig this deep within myself. This program is the blessing God knew I needed.
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Day 16 Day 1 of MY own healing journey.
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