I used to be a runner… I still think of myself as one, despite it being 15 years..

LOL I wrote Misogi and it autocorrected to misogyny. Which is not my big goal - 🤣

I used to be a runner.. long distance mostly, and when I played sport, I always played in positions that had lots of running.

It was a space of calm in my body and head. the pattern of breathing, my feet hitting the pavement, and even better if I ran in the rain …. FREEDOM.

I last went for a run in 2023.

Before that… pre-pregnancy maybe 2019/2017 and it was very short lived..

My health nose dived in 2010, and it has been a up and down journey since.

I stopped playing hockey in 2009, and between then and now - over 15 years, I have not ever been able to get back into exercise that felt ‘right’.

In 2023 I was the closest I had come…

I had managed to slowly work myself up to running from walking, and for the first time in forever I felt like I wanted to run. I’d get to 5pm and say “I need to go for a run today I haven’t been yet”

And then I broke my foot…

I did the rehab, waited excitedly to get the clearance to run.. and then i didn’t..

I don’t remember why. I’m sure there’s a whole host of reasons. BUT it’s been 2 years.

Im not responsible for staff anymore.. Im building a more sustainable business model that doesn’t need me to stay late every night… My physical health is sending me signals to say I need to put myself first.

So, whats holding me back… Fear? Knowing I’ve quit this more times than I’ve succeeded in the past 15 years?

I have always wanted to run a marathon…. Or a 10km because I actually dont know how long a marathon is.

The ‘set an achievable goal’ me says - lets set the goal at a 2km.

And sure that would be more realistic.

But this isn’t the ‘set realistic goals that don’t challenge you’ chat. it’s the Misogi chat and I think there’s more like a 80/20 chance I don’t run a marathon.

I think, its not so much about the distance honestly.. its about being able to think of myself as a runner, and it be ‘present tense’ again.

The act of wanting to go for a run, because of how it will feel.

And it isn’t a ‘I did it once’ feeling - it only comes when you do the thing, again and again and again. And that, is what feels hardest. Committing to the reps.

4 comments