Why do people think that taking drugs and alcohol is the only way for them to feel authentic and themselves?

I had a weird experience yesterday. I wanted to clear procrastination, but immediately in the hypnosis session, I got off track. My crown didn't want to open to let in the waterfall of light. I've never had this issue before. So I paused the recording and waited. Then I saw a fairy pop out of my head and open the crown, and the light poured in, but then the fairy fell back in, with the light, and my crown closed again. I talked to the fairy and asked who she was. She said she was me, and I asked if she was my anima. She said yes. I went down a trail of questions and responses until some inner voice told me that I was some word beginning with N, with women. I can't remember the word, but there was an emphasis on it. It's weird that I can't remember the word. It meant something along the lines of horrible though. Maybe it didn't even begin with n. Sometimes I can get stuff like that a little mixed up. But anyways, I thought "Why am I being told that I am horrible with women and always have been? That's not very constructive or useful" but then I asked "Am I speaking to a negative subconscious belief within me?" and I got a yes. So I asked why it was here, and it said because my parents didn't love each other or me. I felt like I was too much in my rational mind though, cause I had to make sense of what these inner-voices were saying, and I didn't know if I was just making it up and if it was ACTUALLY my subconscious. So I just stopped. But funny that I started trying to cure procrastination and then things shifted over to my anima and the topic of women. I wasn't planning on tackling that right now, I was planning to tackle procrastination first to make it easier for me to get things in general done, but also get the rest of the hypnosis done quicker and more easily. I also got the feeling that I needed to go through a rite of passage of some kind.

Hello, hope you're all well I am now working on more specific beliefs that I want to remove. But it's a bit tricky. The next thing I was going to work on was beliefs relating to women. But yesterday, I found myself procrastinating on doing so. I basically wasted my whole day, and tried not to beat myself up about it or get into a negative loop. I procrastinated a bit today as well, and feel pretty shit right now tbh. But I sat and said to myself "I can't just sit feeling sorry for myself and waiting for someone to help me. I need to at least do SOMETHING" So I decided to target procrastination. But an interesting question came up... Is procrastination caused by a general belief relating to you and your general goals, or could it be that procrastination is cause because you feel resistance towards doing something specific. Or both? and how do you tackle it? For example, is it a belief that "I am a failure because I fail" or "I am a lazy piece of shit if I don't work" that causes you to procrastinate by avoiding the potential of getting those beliefs "Confirmed" Or let's say you want to prepare a few lines you can use in conversation with women if you can't think of anything else for example. But you feel resistance towards that task because you know that if you prepare these lines, then down the line you'll eventually have to confront some limiting belief you have regarding women...it could be that you're undeserving of women/love/sex. So THAT causes you to procrastinate. I hope that makes sense. The reason I thought of it is because I often don't procrastinate going to the gym, unless I'm feeling shit about something else, like yesterday. But I can have days where I think "Fuck me, I have to do legs" but then I almost automatically find myself in the gym and then I might have a little thought "Shit, I really don't want to go through the routine, it seems so daunting", but I just start with the frist exercise without thinking too much. I often don't even have those thoughts and enjoy the exercises.

I've been procrastinating Hypnosis for a while, but I have still been putting effort into learning about myself, and it's not necessarily bad that I procrastinated, cause during the session things came up that I don't think I would've handled well if I hadn't have experienced some of the things I have lately. For example, I have been doing some Shadow Work with a coach in my country (Denmark). Shadow work is very similar to Hypnosis but you do shorter sessions of about 10-minutes and try to "integrate" certain shadows. During these sessions, I learned that my imagination/subconscious can run wild. It can throw curveballs that seem random. For example, for those of you who've listened to the self-hypnosis audio, you know that there isn't "Supposed" to be a "Good Part of You" that appears and talks to you. For me this happened. I was struggling with the Tornado...It wouldn't disappear after it came and sucked everything out of me. Then this creature...a small cartoon-looking half-man half-scorpion popped up. Almost looked like a cartoon beetled with claws like a scorpion. It told me "Listen, I am the good part of you. The part that wants the best for you" and then it helped me stop focusing on the tornado. And when I released the grime from my body, it flowed out FAST and created a GIANT pile of shit. A mountain. And I got propelled upwards and slid down it at the end. Then when the dirt dissapeared into the ground, it created a big crater which I fell into, and the ground closed in above me. But then I got shot up through the hole and it disappeared as I flew out. And what taught me to just let it happen was a mushroom trip I had about a month ago. And I was tought how to deal with these unexpected things through the shadow work. I learned to talk to these enteties and that being forceful doesn't work. Anyways. The belief I worked on was the belief that I cannot change. I felt incapable of being able to change through hypnosis for example. I always felt tethered to my old self, like I was being delusional about the change I'd already made and that any future positive change was too good to be true.

Hello brothers, thought I'd update you. This stuff is much more emotionally taxing than I thought, but I'm proud of myself, cause I just sat for about an hour (and a half) and listened to the beginning of the self-hypnosis audio. Then I said the words out loud that are on the word list. I found some words that elicited a very strong emotion, and some that were wishy washy and some that did nothing, etc. Noted it all. And then I said names of people from my past out loud to see if I have anger and or resentment towards them. I feel like continuing, cause I want to get through the words I'm missing on the sheet and then put everything together, but I'm done for now. Feel a bit drained and tired, so I'll go to the gym instead! Thought this would be valuable for some of you guys to read, cause you might be finding it hard to get through everything too