Overall, I was very surprised! It took me a little bit to get into, but when I did, I was hooked! The characters are all so fun and fit genre tropes in the best way! You have a very light touch when describing your characters (not their actions, their descriptions) that feel organic and intriguing without spelling everything out. The Aelverish feel like a gnome like creature...smaller than the "towering" dwarves and humans. Not quite hobbit, not quite elf. You explain a lot in their speech just by their reactions which is very high fantasy. I really would just suggest using this same tactic when writing action moments and in dialogue. Streamline, streamline. Less is more! You don't want your readers re-reading the same line several times to grasp what's going on. Overall, though, this is very strong for the genre! Great job! @Zane Dowling

@Timothy Colomba Totally agree with Tim on this point. This is probably my largest critique overall. Some passages are hard to follow because so many ideas are being conveyed. For example: Elber paused slightly, which was more for airs than anything else, but it allowed Mel’s mind to wander through a few legends trying to connect the name in his head but he ended up only able to shrug it off while Elber continued with but a half of a breath between sentences. This was one of the most severe examples, but as readers we're switching between two perspectives in one sentence, and the descriptions are long and overly specific. There were quite a few times where this happened in the first chapter and it did make it difficult to understand at times. Remember, less is more! You want to show, not just tell. Elber paused, more for dramatic effect than anything, but it provided Mel a brief moment to wonder if he had indeed heard the name. He shrugged as Elber continued. (Sorry to put the criticism first!) With all that being said, your voice here is actually wonderful. Very playful and beautifully reminiscent of both Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Absolutely perfect for the genre. You also managed to carry the same style from your prologue into the first chapter even though we're now in 3rd person, past. On that note, there was one moment that was a little surprising. About halfway through, you switched into more of a narrator's tone as if the Unspoken himself was telling the events of chapter 1. I actually think that's a cool idea if it was intended! I'd just suggest making it much more obvious at the beginning of chapter 1 that the Unspoken is narrating still. Overall though, lots of good surprises here! Honestly, nothing that a good editor couldn't tighten up! @Zane Dowling

@Timothy Colomba I could forgive the long windedness, honestly. Sometimes characters are quirky but they're written that way. 😂 There was one spot in the middle where his rumination seemed to drag and felt like some of the same information was being repeated. That's the only part I would remove in regards to this particular topic. Okay, that being said, I wanna give feedback strictly on the prologue here. First I'll comment on what was fantastic and what I felt could use some tightening up. Good points: 1. Zane, your 1st person perspective is incredibly strong. This is hilarious to me given your dislike for 1st person pov. I absolutely loved the voice of the Unspoken. He feels wry and ancient and a little amused/weary at his situation. 2. GREAT premise. Already I'm hooked! I wanna know who this creature is and even moreso, who is the man who can tame him and why! 3. You dropped some very good self-descriptors in a understated way that makes you start to wonder...dragon? And then boom. The comment about the treasure. So, now we're hoping for a dragon. Magnificent. 4. You had the PERFECT cliffhanger to lead us into chapter 1. "our particular...arrangement." What could use tweaking: 1. Be wary of overexplaining. Let the reader wonder. After that beautiful cliffhanger, you add another paragraph talking about the other companions and gave details that felt unnecessary. I don't need any more details right now. I'm still thinking about that dragon! The chapter name says everything the reader needs to know and ties beautifully into your prologue. 2. Be careful not to overdo the old speech. Some moments feel a little forced. Once in awhile, reinforce the voice in an organic way. That's all you need! Those literary "ah hah" moments will shine brighter if they're used sparingly. (Advice that was given to me once!) 😂 Overall, the prologue was VERY strong. Bravo! @Zane Dowling 🙌

Awesome! I've been trying to find a time to check out @Zane Dowling 's submission. I'll have some feedback for you soon!

@Zane Dowling Thank you!

@Timothy Colomba