The theme that is resurfacing for me is "surrender". After going over Noah, I started to get hit with a slow realization: We can't overcome sin by doing more. Jesus already overcame sin. God saved Noah, not Noah. So why am I working so hard? I started the Crucible to change who I am into who I thought I should be. I thought that it would reduce my sinful reactions. But as we learned from Noah and his family being the only people left on the Earth... sin can come back. Humans can't eliminate sin. However, Jesus did, can, and will. He also loves us. Even though we are not figuring it out. Even if we have not changed who we are. He still loves us. So, it makes more sense to surrender. Not to sin and the old ways, but to Jesus who can overcome what I can't. My original intentions of entering the Crucible are gone now. Yep, I essentially entered this like it a was a self-help/get well program. I thought that I would slowly get rid of old sinful spikes in anger, fear, and lust but adjusting my identity, lifestyle, and knowledge. But it seems more like surrendering who I am and my reactions to Him are the only way to have peace. Now, the only thing I know to do is to just surrender every spike in effort, fear, anger, or lust to Jesus as soon as they show up. Every single one. It feels weird to say it, but I don't see why I would handle a single sin now. It's real confusing to me to completely let go of fighting/resisting sin. Sounds defeatist, but it just seems like I am only flirting with a blackhole if I try on my own. And maybe someone is seeing something close to this, or maybe I am missing part of a bigger picture. Let me know what you think.